Adele

Lori Beth Denberg (born May 5 1988), known by her stage name Adele, is a Grammy award winning singer and songwriter. In her four year career, Adele has clogged the pipe to success for powerhouse flops like Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Hudson, and Leona Lewis.

Adele has received universal praise for commanding attention from the crowd by just sitting in a stool, belting into her microphone. If you catch her performing on a good night, she may stand up and move her arms a little.

In 2011, Barack Obama commended Adele for her organic performances, stating "She doesn't rely on gimmicks like red wigs and weaves to distract from overall talent. She doesn't release an album every year, selling her singles for $0.69 on iTunes; furthermore, she writes her own songs, which is a hell of a lot more than what I can say about Beyoncé."

Adele is not to be confused with her biological mother Susan Boyle.

Early Life and Career
Adele was born in Tottenham, London, England. At the age of four, she began singing songs she heard on the television, but she always did so sitting on her couch, munching on Little Debbie cakes. At the age of fifteen, Adele used her lunch money to buy D'Angelo's album, which, in effect, got her into R&B and soul music. The next year, she was spotted by the CEO of XL Recordings in Fat Burger and offered a recording contract after hearing her sing to her food.

Adele released her first album, 19, which didn't slay too many bitches at the time. The album earned her a Grammy and went platinum. Adele accepted her Grammy award on a Hoveround, a first in Grammy history. Then, Adele released 21, her sophomore album that has sold nearly 17 million albums worldwide, won a bunch of awards and was featured in every magazine you can think of. The album was reviewed by Rolling Stone, named album of the decade, and described as an album that could "make a thug nigga cry."

In an interview with Vogue magazine, Adele said she intended for her album to "be the reason that other hos in this industry have to continue cleaning bed pans and working twice as hard as I do on the stage just to earn a Soul Train award."

Analysis
Adele's music has been scientifically engineered to be a big hit. Adele's success, I presume, can be attributed to the sole fact that she records her songs and actually listens to them after being mastered. Adele has an ear for music and can spot filler material (This is an assumption.). Adele doesn't record 79 songs and choose from the best material. She actually has the patience to sit down, write a song, sing the melodies, and think to herself, "Is this a song that is strong enough to be on the album while also transitioning smoothly to the next song?"

It seems a little far-fetched an idea, since Adele doesn't need a call-back hook, auto-tune, a Drake/Nicki Minaj feature, or melodies an infant can sing ("Oh na na. What's my name?" and "Na na na. Come on. Come on."). However, she is also not beefing with female rappers and changing out her wigs to remain a hoodrat culture icon. Simply, a group of people (and Adele) actually sit down and listen to the songs and deliberate between what's strong enough to be on the album, while simultaneously being marketable, and the opposite.

When Christina Aguilera flopped, most of the X-Tina Presents squad jumped the bandwagon to Adele. The anti-Beyonc é fans love Adele because she doesn't need $100 million dollars worth of stage equipment to give the crowd a seizure. Adele also works as an anti-Lady Gaga, too, if only based on the reason that Adele's wardrobe consists of peacoats and moomoos. Adele's stanbase is also connected with Marsha Ambrosius' stanbase. When Marsha's album flopped, the Marshians/Marshonians/Lesbrosians migrated to Adele's team in order to maintain their social status as both the anti-Beyonce and anti-Rihanna stan.

All shade aside, Adele, at the age of 23, has reached near legend status, if only for her intense vocals, writing skills that could intimidate Maya Angelou, and capability to sell five million albums in the United States--without pushing out 6 singles and/or re-release deluxe edition of her album (see Mariah Carey's Emancipation of Mimi). Also, Adele may, by chance, be able to sell-out a mega arena. However, the fact that she does not dance or shake her ass on stage isn't, in practice, always a positive. I'm not sure if Adele cannot dance or if she's just too damn lazy to move from one spot to the other, but standing in one position will never be a positive. If Adele's big ass did try to cupid shuffle on stage, I'm sure her popularity and respect would fall dramatically because it would be pure comedy for her audience. Moreover, how the Hell can you do anything other than sway and praise dance to a song like "Someone Like You"?

Achievements
Sold over 20 million albums (not albums AND singles)

11 Grammy nominations, 2 wins

2 #1 number one albums, 2 number #1 singles

Huge international success

Did not get pregnant to distract from lackluster album sales

Did not sell her album for $0.99 on Amazon

Kid's Choice Award nomination for "Vital Information for Your Every Day Life" skits

Can do jumping jacks

Does not endorse food products like Coconut Water

Has not released a perfume to foster relevance and birth career longevity